If you didn't benefit from when I lacked boundaries, it's too late now.
It's getting STRICT around here.
I’ve learned the HARD way that many people are threatened by a confident person. You can be attractive, intelligent, and/or successful, and that’s fine — just don’t act like you know it. People love to conflate confidence with arrogance, when really it’s their insecurity that’s projecting and creating this insatiable urge to humble you.
In a recent viral post, I noted that at a certain level, growth stops being about doing more and starts being about becoming someone different. Most of us don’t realize that you’re not just building your dream; it’s building you. The reason for the “delay” and obstacles we face in the journey is to mold us into the person we need to become first. It pulls things out of us that only a certain level of pressure can reveal.
I used to be a passive, people pleaser who struggled with confidence and self-worth because I relied on external validation (more on that below). I also had the fear of being seen, judged, criticized, misunderstood — you name it. But over the years, I’ve gone through several identity shifts that led to me becoming the complete opposite and growing my platforms and business as a result.
I paid a hefty price to be the person I am today. I learned how expensive it is to have big dreams but little confidence. Big dreams but no boundaries. Big dreams but low self-worth. Big dreams but need external validation — need to see the results manifested to feel accomplished. Big dreams but… A whole lot of buts. I paid the price to get rid of those buts.
In this post, I’m going to share just a little taste of the STRICT program I’ve had to implement to make sure I reach my full potential and become the best version of myself. Strict with what I expect from myself and what I’m no longer tolerating from others. We’ll cover tough lessons learned, revelations on life, new boundaries and habits, etc.
1. Never forget who you are
I think because we’re so hyperaware of our flaws, proclivities, bad habits, failures, etc, we tend to be very hard on ourselves. While others praise you for your accomplishments, you doubt yourself or downplay your wins because you’re comparing your current reality to where you want to be.
I made this mistake for most of my life because I didn’t realize I was outsourcing my validation. I rarely lived in the present or celebrated my wins because I was always onto the next thing, chasing this never-ending idea of my dream life.
That kept me in a constant state of lack, and over time, I let my flaws and “failures” lure me into adapting to my environment instead of acting in alignment with who God called me to be. It slowly eroded my self-concept, my confidence, and my presence, and I ended up being a shell of myself.
Here’s the thing — while I was oblivious to who I was and had a poor self-concept, some people saw my light before I did. And because I wasn’t aware of it, and thus not protecting it, they took advantage of it.
That’s why remembering who you are is not optional. If you don’t have a clear, grounded sense of identity, you’ll keep adapting to whatever season you’re in and letting it define you. And if the way you currently see yourself doesn’t match the woman your dream life requires, then your identity has to shift so you can stay anchored, set boundaries, and stop shrinking under pressure.
That’s why I teach you how to do this, because when your internal foundation is solid, you don’t lose yourself just when life gets hard or when you feel delayed. And eventually, your environment always catches up to your identity.
2. Trying to be too “humble” to make others comfortable will make people walk all over you
I’ve learned the HARD way that many people are threatened by a confident person. You can be attractive, intelligent, and/or successful, and that’s fine — just don’t act like you know it. People love to conflate confidence with arrogance, when really it’s their insecurity that’s projecting and creating this insatiable urge to humble you.
One of the best things I’ve learned is the difference between biblical humility and the version society uses to try to keep high achievers humble.
Biblical humility is recognizing that everything you have, your gifts, position, and influence, comes from God, so you walk in confidence without self-exaltation. It’s a posture of dependence and obedience to Him, where you think of yourself with sober judgment, neither inflating nor diminishing who He created you to be.
Society’s version of “humility” often means downplaying your strengths to make other people more comfortable.
My priority is practicing biblical humility. I will show up authentically and confidently walk in the path God set out before me, doing what’s required to preserve and maintain it, but knowing that I am nothing without Him.
I will not show up as a shell of myself, nor will I try to be overly “nice” or be a people pleaser to pander to people’s insecurities. I will accept compliments without deflecting. I will not make nor tolerate self-deprecating jokes. And I will not downplay my accomplishments to make others feel comfortable. I will adjust my environment before I adjust myself.
Now, regarding who thinks my confidence and certainty should be managed? Well, that’s a personal problem.
3. The people pleaser in you must DIE
I always chuckle to myself when people ask me how I stopped being a people pleaser, as if there was some elaborate awakening that initiated my freedom. While I have done the deep identity work to solidify it in retrospect, what actually happened was I got pushed over the edge, and I snapped.
I simply snapped out of it. I realized that I was going out of my way to try to please people who were never satisfied. I was ruining my mental health trying to be who people needed me to be, and they still complained. I got tired of it. I realized I couldn’t win. So I let people get disappointed. And it was uncomfortable at first, but I didn’t die. And neither did they. And eventually they learned that pleasing them wasn’t my priority, and they adjusted. And I stopped feeling bad. And things got peaceful.
That’s a very important step in becoming the best version of yourself — understanding that she doesn’t live to please people. You don’t adjust yourself based on what other people expect; you show up based on what’s required of you for the vision you have for your life.
Some people are only close to you because you haven’t learned boundaries yet. And in my experience, those relationships are usually not worth keeping, despite how uncomfortable the loss might feel at first.