Your life would be easier if you stopped trying to manage how you're perceived
The life you want is on the other side of caring less what people think
I grew up in the Caribbean, where our culture is rooted in collectivism. One aspect of that that was ingrained in me from a young age is that your actions are not your own — they’re a reflection of your entire family. Whether you do good or bad, it affects everyone connected to you.
While I do believe that there are actual benefits to this, I’m no stranger to the drawbacks. For one, any decision that threatens the image that your family is trying to portray becomes a threat to the unofficial family brand. Independence is often interpreted as rebellion, and authenticity is scrutinized if it doesn’t align with the expectations that were unknowingly placed on you.
And don’t get me started on expectations…
Because throughout my life, I’ve felt the weight of the expectations that were placed on me — to excel, to win, to be the best, to be responsible, to be strong, to be the one that has it all together, to be considerate, to be understanding, to be present yet stay focused, to be this, to be that.
To be everything except myself.
I learned what was expected of me before I learned who I was.
So I grew into a malleable shell of myself that was always ready to shape-shift into who I needed to be to meet expectations. And eventually, I became both the warden and the prisoner of the pedestal I was placed on.
But when you know that there’s a calling on your life — that there’s something special about you, that there’s something bigger in store for you — that feeling doesn’t allow you to be a shell of yourself for very long. Because you can't become who you're meant to be while hiding who you really are.
But I don’t think I ever intended to hide who I was; I just got caught up in obsessing over how I was perceived. And that became glaringly obvious once I started creating content.
I found myself constantly filtering, editing, and diluting what I wanted to say based on how I thought people would react. I’d get an idea for content and immediately start mentally running it through everyone I knew. What would my friends think? My family? My coworkers? Would this make people uncomfortable? Would they judge me? Would they misunderstand me? By the time I was done accounting for everyone else’s opinion, the original thought had usually been watered down into something much safer.
I was also terrified of being misunderstood. Not disagreed with — misunderstood.
I worried that someone would see a short clip from my podcast, miss the context, and completely misinterpret my intentions or character. So I overcompensated by making my clips longer, and I avoided posting anything too controversial or provocative. I didn’t want to be seen if it meant being misunderstood.
It was as if I was constantly performing on a stage in front of everyone, carefully adjusting the act depending on who was watching. Not perfectly, of course, but enough to avoid criticism, disapproval, or being misunderstood.
The ironic part is that my content itself felt like the most authentic expression of me at the time because I genuinely loved what I was creating. But it required the authentic version of me. And the more I leaned into it, the more tension I felt.
It was the tension of trying to be your true self while still clinging to the image everyone else had of you.
One version of me was obsessed with managing how she was perceived and maintaining the expectations people had placed on her. The other couldn’t really be defined. She simply was.
She was who I was underneath all the performance. The version of me that came alive when I was creating, in flow, and fully immersed in what I felt called to do.
And every time she started to come through, I’d filter her, adjust her, and water her down just enough to fit the expectations of the people around me.
But she refused to stay hidden.
And eventually, the tension of performing became greater than the discomfort of being seen.
I wish I could tell you that I proactively did the inner work and changed before things fell apart. But I didn’t.
The truth is, I kept trying to carry the performative version of myself into the next chapter of life when it required the real me.
And the more I tried to force my way in without changing, the more things unraveled.
But in hindsight, I realized that unraveling was actually my awakening.
It was the moment I finally understood that the life I wanted could not be built by constantly managing how I was perceived. I couldn’t build an authentic life while filtering myself through other people’s expectations.
It became obvious that the person standing in the way wasn’t anyone else. It was the version of me that was still treating other people’s opinions like they had a vote in my life.
And once I saw that, I couldn’t unsee it.
At some point, I had to decide whether I was more committed to being understood and approved of or becoming who I was actually meant to be.
And after seeing exactly what it was costing me to be a people pleaser, I finally chose myself.
That choice changed the way I create, the way I make decisions, and the way I move through my life.
These days, I get an idea and I just… execute. No mental committee convening to vote on how I’ll be perceived, and no running it past the imaginary panel of everyone who’s ever known me.
The content I make now actually feels like me. I’m not reverse-engineering hooks or checking what’s trending before I let myself create something. I stopped performing for the algorithm and started just making what I actually want to make.
And eventually, I realized this wasn't just about content.
There comes a point where the upcoming chapters of your life require you to shed the performance.
There are things you’re called to do that require the real you. Not the version that’s constantly reading the room, adjusting to meet expectations, and managing how she’s perceived.
And that's ultimately what I learned — you can have the strategy, the plan, the work ethic, and the right intentions, but if you're constantly filtering yourself through other people's expectations, you'll never reach your full potential.
Because YOU are the secret sauce.
YOU, and not some strategy. But if you don’t believe that who you are is enough, you'll spend your life looking for external proof of something that can only come from within.
The life you want requires a version of you that doesn't shrink herself to make other people comfortable.
A version of you that can be misunderstood without feeling obligated to explain herself.
A version of you that doesn’t become a different person depending on who’s in the room.
A version of you that doesn’t adjust her plans because other people don’t get it, but rather stands behind what she knows is best for her.
A version of you that confidently and unapologetically owns who she is, what she wants, and what she carries.
So I'll leave you with this:
How much longer are you willing to protect other people’s perception of you at the expense of the life you actually want?
Your next step:
If you’re constantly obsessing over how you’re perceived and second-guessing yourself because of what other people might think, The Perception Detox is where you start changing that.
It’s for you if you want to:
Become so confident in who you are that other people’s opinions stop having power over you
Make decisions based on what you actually want instead of what’s expected of you
Show up fully as yourself without filtering, watering yourself down, or playing small
And finally, trust yourself enough to go after the life you want without needing anyone else’s approval.
P.S. It’s a free perk for Elite members when you upgrade, or you can get access here:
And if you’re ready to become the most authentic version of yourself and fully step into the impact you know you’re meant to have, Become You 2.0 is where we make that happen.
I’ve never related to something more than this. It’s a constant battle for myself to know what I want in life and then think “but what will they think”. I think that’s why I have a hard time executing and getting to where I want out of fear of being perceived negatively. I hide myself due to not wanting to be misunderstood like you mention. I don’t want to water myself down anymore! Thank you so much for this post!!
Very relatable. I grew up in a Caribbean household with many of the same expectations Thank you for embracing who God has called you to be and for extending your hand to help other women rose alongside you. #Subscribed